When I got to work the other morning, my co-worker told me how she stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts to get coffee.
“I had a coupon,” she said. “But I couldn’t just get the free coffee. I felt like I had to buy something else.”
I wondered…why do we buy things that we really don’t need? I believe it has something to do with facing and saying the four hardest money words in the English language: “I Can’t Afford It!”
Why are these simple words so difficult to accept and say aloud?
It’s not like I haven’t found myself going along for the ride when I should’ve mantra’ed I Can’t Afford It! Yet the reluctance is partly wanting to indulge the wish that I can afford it—denial of sorts—and embarrassment and shame at feeling like I don’t measure up if you say no.
I’ve noticed, however, no one will challenge you when you say the four hardest, and bravest, money words.
“Wanna get tickets for Bruno Mars at the Barclay Center? Two hundred bucks?” “Damn, can’t afford it!”
“Oh, too bad. I understand” was the response.
“Wanna catch dinner at that brand new Italian restaurant?”
“You mean the one with the expensive wines?”
“Yup.”
“Wish I could but I can’t afford it.”
“Okay. No problem. Let’s find some place cheaper.”
“Wanna shuffle over to Saks Fifth Avenue to buy a few baubles?”
“Gosh. Wouldn’t I love to? But can’t afford it! Why don’t we stroll over to TJ Maxx?”
I have never encountered anyone saying any response that wasn’t supportive. When those words come out, it’s like hitting a brick wall. No one can argue with it.
Saying I can’t afford it is honest, prudent, respectful of self, and a stress-buster so you don’t get swept away into a “what the hell” approach that could blow your weekly budget.
There is no shame in saying I Can’t Afford It! None. Now practice.
Great writing, great article!
Thank you! Hope it helps everyone reflect a little on the language of money. Please keep coming back!
Well said, Janet.
And who doesn’t love an honest, great mantra?
Thanks! Love those mantras.
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I really have to try that phrase! Sometimes I make decisions because I don’t want to say it but should have! Thanks for the incite!
Thanks for your comment. Love keeping the dialogue going!
Hi Janet,
Forgive me, but I disagree. “I can’t afford it” causes one to feel poor – as well as unappreciative of all our blessings. Truth is, whatever good things we wish or ask for are granted, via interventions often not of this world. To quote Joel Osteen, “My Father is King of the Universe!” There is no less power in our Queen Mother Mary. All great things will be bestowed upon us if we ask.
As for the times when desires seem to be beyond reach, I have learned to say, “I don’t wish to pay that.” It doesn’t diminish my sense of self and most often a satisfactory negotiation makes it possible.
Thanks so much for your great comment. I love saying I don’t wish to pay for that. There’s more of a choice in that statement. I like that.
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